Hey Christ-following lady friends- let’s talk about
marriage. You know, if it’s something your thinking about, interested in, or curiously considering, I’d like to throw just a few things out there to help
your thought processes find something to simmer. I’d like to focus primarily
on a passage most likely you are familiar with, Ephesians 5:22-33.
As a reminder, it says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as
to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of
the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to
make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to
present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any
other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love
their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After
all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as
Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will
become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery- but I am talking about Christ
and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves
himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Since I want to talk about wifehood, let’s focus on the
parts pertaining to a wife. Because that’s the way life works. If you’re a
woman you will be the wife, and have the wife related commands, regardless of
what your husband’s commands are, or whether or not he does them. It doesn’t
say if your husband is good and nice and makes you happy and does what he’s
suppose to do, then you should do what you are called to do. No matter who he
is or what he does—if he is your husband, these are your commands as a wife.
Let’s think about what it says to wives. To submit to, and
respect your husband, as the church does to Christ. Wow. Do you, get that? How
does that make you feel? What do you think about that?
I mean, if I were being honest, I would say that I do not
understand at all why God would command such a thing in his word. I totally get
submitting to and respecting God, as the church does to Christ, who is holy and
perfect and always wise and loving, but to submit to and respect another
equally as flawed human being as if they had that same kind of authority?? It makes
me feel like something borderline blasphemous is being said here. But that’s just it. It doesn’t matter what I
think, and I don’t have to get it. It’s what I am called to do whether I “get
it” or not.
There is something big and holy and unique about marriage.
It’s not just like any other relationship or friendship. If you think you are
just continuing a really good friendship for the rest of your life, I promise,
it is something way, way bigger than that, and way more dutiful—no matter how
that makes you feel.
There are tons of books, articles, blogs, etc. on what the
word “submit” means in this passage. If that is concerning to you, feel free to
look into it. If you desire to seek God in these matters and live out his plans
for a God-following woman in marriage, I think he will help you discern such
details. I’m just simply putting before
you what it says. No matter where you land on that, it is my opinion that if it
is supposed to be like the way the church submits to Christ, we are talking
about something really big here.
I remember before Add and I got married and I used to hear
people say things like, “Wait ‘til you get married and find out who your spouse
really is” and “once you get married you’ll see all the parts of your spouse,
not just the good ones”. I honestly didn’t really know what they were trying to
say- that I didn’t know the person I was going to marry? Why would I marry them
if I didn’t know them? All I can really
say in regards to such ideas to people who are not yet married is this- your
future is just that- future. It hasn’t happened yet. You don’t know it.
Think
about your past- are there things you have experienced that have changed the
way you view the world, the type of person you want to be, and the way you
think and feel about things? It is my strong opinion that the same will be true
for your future, and not just for you two,
but for you, personally, or your spouse, personally. Because while you
become a permanent “couple”, you are not the same person. There will be things that you experience differently
sometimes, or that effect just one or the other of you, and deeply, too. And if
you think you will always just get it and understand because you just love them
so much and are just such a kind and empathetic person- well, I don’t know how
to explain it to you, because there are some things in life that just cannot be
explained, you have to experience them- but it is not always that simple and
easy.
I have not met, heard, heard of, read, or witnessed a single
married couple that has not had difficulties that are like, you know, real,
difficult, hard things, that they have had to work through. People who have
been married much longer than I have, have told me the same thing.
You have no way of
knowing what you or your spouse will experience in life and how it will affect
you, and sure, you’ll “go through it together” and “figure it out”, but, again,
I don’t know that I can explain it to you- but you’ll know what I mean when you
get to the other side and are married. Blending together two people, even when
they both know God, is not simple. I’m
not trying to say there won’t be times when it does work out that way, and
things are simple and easy, but I just want to make sure you get that there
will be other times, too, and that they are very real.
People are so, different. No matter how kindred of spirits
you are. I would just really encourage you to take a moment to honestly
consider the fact that you are actually, two
different people, and that really, truly, that is a good and beautiful
thing.
Keep in mind that you
are both flawed too, and will do things that you shouldn’t, and often might not
even be aware of or mean to do.
So, it is my opinion that, with all these things in mind,
the real question isn’t, who should I marry? Is he a good fit? But rather, am I
ready to be married? Am I ready to be what God calls me to be as a wife, and
submit to another equally as flawed human being, in the same kind of way I
submit to God? Because no matter who he is, once you become “wife”, that is
going to be part of your calling, similar to the duty of “honor your father and
mother” as a child, you will be called to submit to and respect your spouse,
for as long as you both live.
I don’t know why God
chose “wife” to be the submitting one in this passage, but there are certainly
hardships for both sides, and I don’t see any point in arguing who’s got it
worse. Each certainly has quite a bit to live up to. Today I just want you to
consider whether or not you’re ready to take up your side, to do what a woman
who follows God is called to do, from the day you say “I do”, through forever.
